I just had my pre-op with anesthesia and a meeting with my eye surgeon. I left my house at 7:00am for an 8:00am meeting, only to be put off until 8:45. Then my 10:30 with the eye surgeon didn’t happen until after NOON! Tell me why a doctor’s time is so much more important than mine? Why does my cell phone alert me if my plane is more than 10 minutes behind schedule, but a doctor will never apologize for making you wait an hour in your underwear?
And the anesthesia pre-op was a joke….paperwork filled out by me with litmus-test questions like: Ever smoke? Ever do illicit drugs?
My favorite answer today was when they asked the drinking questions? Drink? (yes) How much? (1-2 drinks) How often? (OFTEN) I always tell them I’m nervous about surgery so they give me the early cocktail of happy juice. The best part was that this was all taken in by a nurse practitioner, who I know is only going to go online and check the appropriate columns in an Excel spreadsheet…..I’ve usually only had actual anesthesiologists do the pre-op anesthesia reports…..today was a first. Gotta love the big box medical centers.
Then it was off to the eye surgeon. It was not a total loss, because I got to ride on the tram that connects the two campuses of the medical center. Between the parking validation and the free tram ride, I figure I saved about 12 bucks……which will come in handy later.
My surgeon looked at me and cocked his head to one side (not a good sign). Then he measured my eyes. No change, even though they appeared to him to be a little less compressed. I still have eyes that protrude 24 mm too far forward….pretty. Then he lowers the bomb. A recommendation he’d never previously given:
“I think you may want to consider a little additional work on your under eye bags. I’m afraid if I take down the fat deposits under your eye, you will be left with too little fat between your upper cheekbone and your eye socket. He never mentioned this in any of the previous 4 appointments.
He proceeds to put a mirror in my hands and manipulate my face up and down…..illustrating the toll that the last several years of ill health have had on my face….
“As you age more, your skin will continue to sag lower, and your cheekbones will continue to protrude, and then here come the jowls….” He laughs at himself, and I just want to deck him…..Then he tells me that the extra surgery he recommends is, of course, considered elective cosmetic, and therefore not elligible for insurance or flexible spending.
“How much more?” I ask.
“I’ll have my assistant get back to you with that figure” he answers. My heart sinks. Here I thought this surgery would end my eye issues, and it turns out they may just be beginning.
He goes on to tell me that the scars that will remain at corners of my eyes the end of the surgery will be “definitely noticable for awhile, if not always…sometimes we have to go back and do ‘touch ups’ here and there.”…again these “touch ups” will be considered cosmetic and completely out-of-pocket.
By now, I am thoroughly confused about whether I should even bother……maybe it’s better to look like Barbara Bush than Riff Raff from Rocky Horror.
“Of course, you don’t have to do this surgery at all if you don’t want”…..reminding me that this is, in effect, completely elective. I can elect to look like kermit the frog, or I can elect to give into vanity, and possibly end up with a worse outcome, with no real guarantees either way.
But just last week I scratched my eyeball when I went to brush the hair out of my eyes….that is how far my eyes stick out. And my eyelids are touching most of my glasses frames….annoying to say the least.
So, so far I am full steam ahead with the surgery.
for now.
