What are the odds?

A blog reader expressed a fear of going blind due to the TED surgery. This person was told that the odds were 1000 to 1 that this would happen, but it still was a concern to them.

To those of you concerned about the odds of going blind, I ask you to really consider the odds and put them in perspective. This represents a .001% chance. Here are some other odds, to help put this in perspective:

Odds of being killed sometime in the next year in any sort of transportation accident: 77 to 1

Odds of being killed in any sort of non-transportation accident: 69 to 1

Odds of being murdered: 18,000 to 1

Odds of getting away with murder: 2 to 1

Odds of being the victim of serious crime in your lifetime: 20 to 1

Odds that a first marriage will survive without separation or divorce for 15 years: 1.3 to 1

Odds that a celebrity marriage will last a lifetime: 3 to 1

Odds of getting hemorrhoids: 25 to 1

Odds of being born a twin in North America: 90 to 1

Odds of being on plane with a drunken pilot: 117 to 1

Odds of being audited by the IRS: 175 to 1

Odds of having your identity stolen: 200 to 1

Odds of dating a millionaire: 215 to 1

Odds of writing a New York Times best seller: 220 to 1

Odds of finding out your child is a genius: 250 to 1

Odds of catching a ball at a major league ballgame: 563 to 1

Odds of finding a four-leaf clover on first try: 10,000 to 1

Chance of an American home having at least one container of ice cream in the freezer: 9 in 10.

Chance of dying from any kind of injury during the next year: 1 in 1,820

Chance of having a stroke: 1 in 6

Chance of dying from heart disease: 1 in 3

Chance of getting arthritis: 1 in 7

Chance of suffering from asthma or allergy diseases: 1 in 6

Chance of getting the flu this year: 1 in 10

Chance of an American woman developing cancer in her lifetime: 1 in 3

Chance of getting prostate cancer: 1 in 6

Chance of getting breast cancer: 1 in 9

So, you see, your odds are better that you will write a New York Times best seller than going blind as the result of TED surgery!

January 2009

Wow! Where did the year go? I’ve been so busy with Christmas and snowstorms and kids and life that I’ve neglected this site. Thanks to everyone who has emailed me and commented here. The hits just keep coming, and I’m glad to know that my little musings here are helping some of you.

Update on me…I am STILL having issues with numbness…especially on the left side. Even the right side seems to have a little more numbness lately, but not as bad as the right. I still have problems drinking hot liquids (they feel like they burn through the roof of my mouth into the back of my eye)

Last week I had a severe bout with double vision. I was out of town, and away from any eye moisturiser, and it lasted at least 12 hours. I couldn’t drive, I could barely WALK! I was nauseous the whole time, and reading anything was out of the question, unless I closed one eye. I called my ocular surgeon first thing Monday morning, and the triage nurse’s reaction was “Oh…huh? Well, call us if it happens again…that’s kind of strange.” She said that most people who have double vision have it forever, and it ususally doesn’t revert back to normal.

I also told her that my tear ducts seemed to hurt whenever my eyes watered. Didn’t seem to matter if it was from watching a sad movie or cutting onions, the first tear out of my right tear duct really hurts. She had no explanation for that either, and stated that she’d never heard that ailment mentioned before.

So, am I oversensitive, or just a freak? LOL!

I’m posting a photo taken on Christmas with very little make-up.

November Update

Met with my ocular surgeon yesterday for my 3 month check up. Overall, he was pleased with the placement of the eyes, but he remarked that the scarring on my face was a less than desirable outcome, as was the sag on my upper eyelids. He would like me to consider an upper eyelid surgery this spring, as well as some botox around the eye to speed and improve the healing around my scars…..I’ll post some photos later today when my camera shows up! LOL!

I’m torn about the botox. First of all, it’s not covered by insurance, and costs about $20 a unit. He is suggesting 20 units total, so that’s $400. Second of all, its botox….a second cousin to botulism. Also, I’ve seen many an actress who has had a few too many units of this stuff (like Nicole Kidman) and they look like they are devoid of any kind of personality.

The upper lid surgery will probably happen, though. But I’m not making any decisions until January. I want to enjoy my holidays without thinking about my next surgery, thank you very much!

photo update….

I’ve been meaning to post these updated photos….they were taken mid-September:

 

Update:I still have significant numbness….if you look closely at the shot of my left eye, you will notice that it is still slightly larger than the right. It has also not healed as well, which I attribute to them taking me off the erythromiacin a week early (they thought I was having an allergic reaction to it) there is a knot the size of the head of a seamstress pin (larger than the head of a regular pin, and more raised) on the scar on this eye, which is a minor cosmetic set-back.

I have not lost any visual acuity, and in fact it seems that much of my vision is improved.

Would I do it again? Ask me in 3-6 months. I still hate that I feel like I’ve had a head transplant every time I smile….although I am starting to have some feeling return to my nose. My “neutral” face used to be a pleasant blank face…now I frown whenever my face relaxes…I find myself pulling up the corners of my mouth just to look like I”m not scowling….which is an odd feeling….as a result, I continue to avoid most social situations, unless I know we are going to a dark restaurant, or bar. Come to think of it, the more I drink, the better I look! LOL!

 I still have significant puffiness in my face, and the 12 weeks I’ve spent on bed rest have made me pretty bloated and ridiculously out of shape. I’ve just started walking 30 minutes a day, and hope to increase my daily activities starting next week. That and a 1,300 calorie a day diet will hopefully allow me to loose some of the extra 10 pounds I’ve put on since the beginning of summer….good thing it’s now sweater weather!!

On the Road again…..

I’m cleared to drive again. Its amazing how simple life becomes when driving comes off the table. I need to post some photos, but I got a new camera and I’m lazy!! My eyes look pretty good….the left eye is still slightly larger than the right, which is driving me crazy, but I have to remind myself that it was operated on last, and it may take longer to settle in.

I feel as if I’ve had a head transplant. I am still numb from my lips to my eyebrows, and my temples still ache when I brush my hair. My cheeks and nose remain swollen, but the under eye swelling has receded a bit. With my facial muscles numbed out, I find that my relaxed face is a frown, and smiling feels really odd, and looks even more odd. DH keeps teasing me about looking, uh, fugly (how nice!) But, it’s the truth……

He keeps asking me where my glasses are. That’s code for “Baby, your eyes are fugly, do something to hide ‘em”…..Somewhere in the confusion of the operations, the percocet, and the visitors who meant well, but hid all my kitchen items, I’ve lost my everyday glasses. So, this past weekend I bit the bullet and bought a new pair. I didn’t bother with an eye exam, and opted for the same prescription I’ve had for the past several years…..hope that wasn’t a mistake.

I just couldn’t wait for another month, and I wanted something to hide the big red scars on the side of my eyes. I’m not one to wear make-up on a daily basis, and people think I’m stoned when I walk through the grocery store with shades on. So, I look forward to picking up my frames sometime in the next week, and venturing out into the world again, beyond these four walls and the children’s school.

Latest Update

Well, just got back from my Doctor’s check-up two days ago and things are going swimmingly. They still can’t get over the fact that I have no area bruising to speak of, and the eyes themselves are doing fine. I opted out of having him remove the stitches in my left eye, because I just was tired of people monkeying around with my eyes….that proved to be a mistake, because when the dissolvable stitch broke yesterday, it left behind a half inch of stitch that floated around in my eye for a day until I finally got up the courage to poke around my upper eyelid and pull it out.

My right eye’s stitches are totally dissolved, and the scar tissue is looking pretty good. The left eye still has visible stitches, and I imagine that will be the case for another week.

I’ve now been in bed for almost three weeks, and it’s getting old….but what should’ve been a fun Sunday drive turned into a miserable afternoon, because I get queasy when my eyes have too much to focus on….we went to my favorite breakfast spot, and I know people thought I was weird wearing dark shades on a rainy day!

What light through yonder window breaks?

Today my right eye began to open oh-so-slowly as the swelling went down. I started to realize that, while it was easy to continue taking bromelain and arnica montana for swelling, as they were by my bedside arsenal of meds, the Monavie was a bit harder to remember, because it was all the way in the kitchen fridge. Now I have my mom giving it to me twice a day, and the swelling and bruising should go down.

The following photo was taken today, with me forcing my eyes open:

eyes open.....11/22

So, I can see a wee bit through my right eye, which is a huge relief. I found many things to be grateful for when I was blind, though: Thank goodness my affliction was temporary…not seeing my little girls everyday would kill me. That being said, there was a simplicity that came when you could not see the clutter in the house, lol! But seriously, it did give me plenty of time to think about how much simpler my life could be if I wanted to take the steps to make it so. When life is condensed to the bed and the bathroom, it can’t be much simpler. Of course, eventually I would have to venture out into the kitchen, which would’ve caused me to clean out all those cluttered drawers and cabinets that drive my husband wacky. Note to self: clean house as if you were blind next time.

I am convinced now that the third day post op is the most painful. Therefore, I look forward tomorrow.

’twas the night before surgery…..

So, tomorrow is part 2 of the orbital decompression surgery. I’m trying to enjoy sleeping for moments at a time on my left side, because as of tomorrow I will be a back only sleeper. I am a total side sleeper, so this has been one of the largest adjustments I’ve had to make. I’m sleeping on three pillows and propped up with one of those corduroy backrests from the 80’s. The pillow furniture I bought in college is still useful, as I’m using the bolster pillow to support just under my knees.

I knew my husband and I were meant to be when my college pillow furniture: a wide corduroy in dusty blue with pink stitching, matched his first marriage furniture: a monster couch in pink and blue herculon. A match made in heaven.

My surgery isn’t until noon tomorrow, which is a bummer, because I won’t be able to eat or drink anything all morning. Me without coffee only goes so far.

Last time we went out for a last supper at Shari’s, where I am in love with the veggie omlet with stuffed hashbrowns. But, since I can’t drive and everyone else is asleep, it’s fruit salad and brownies tonight.

I’ve managed to go all day without so much as a Tylenol because I want to be sure that the percocet works the way I need it to tomorrow. I’ve been weaning myself off for the last three days, knowing that the next three days will be the most painful.

I’m looking forward to the halfway mark, but I’m nervous about this upcoming surgery…especially since I know how much discomfort I will be in for the first 24-72 hours. I asked my mom if I could just stop here and not do the other eye, and she reminded me that I had the same reaction when I got my ears pierced….the poor lady at Spencers was chasing me around the store as I screamed and cried “I changed my mind!” I eventually gave in, and let them pierce the other ear, and I know I’ll go through with tomorrow’s surgery.

Knowing that I was about to go down for several more days, I ventured out into the world with my mom and kids. the outing du jour was to New Seasons, my favorite grocery store. I figured we could pick up a quick dinner there, and I could get more arnica montana, which is part of why my face isn’t more swollen and bruised. Big mistake, venturing out.

I never realized how much we see when we are passengers in a car….the speed at which objects fly in and out of view are dizzying if you’ve been on a low stimulus eye diet. Then there was the store. I was nausious the minute I walked in. And people have no idea that I am blind in one eye, and they keep walking in front of me cutting me off or, even worse, bumping into me. So, I started putting one of my daughters on my “bad” side to shelter me….between my daughters sheilding me and my mother lording over everything, and the fact that I was wearing dark shades when it’s 70 degrees and raining, I’m sure I looked like I was running away to a battered shelter with my kids. LOL!

We had planned to go get a couple of koi and rent a movie right after dinner, but I was eshausted from the outing, and went right to bed.

I will not be posting more than a pre-surgery photo tomorrow, but I’ll hopefully check back in as soon as I’m up to it.

If you say “break a leg” before a performance, what is the proper pre-surgery salutation? All I can think of is

cross my heart, hope to die….stick a needle in my eye.

cross my heart, hope to die….

So, I have to say, I have been really happy with my recovery so far. The swelling and bruising is at a minimum, and the pain is now negotiable thanks to the happy pills.

Until this evening when a foreign object entered the bad eye.

Mind you, I have some hair. Not the Farrah Fawcett, luxuriously thick mane I always dreamed of, but my recent friendship with a Paul at Blue Chair Salon finally has me thinking of my hair as an asset instead of a liability. In fact, two of my girlfriends who visited commented on the complimentary cut and color of my hair instead of how hideous my eye looks…come to think of it, they were probably just being nice.

I have a food service background, so I am paranoid about tying my tresses back before I start work in the kitchen. Especially lately, as my hair tends to fall out more easily with all my thyroid issues. I’m not balding or anything, but my hairbrush has an excess off dna when I blow dry.

I’ve been placing an antibiotic ointment on my eye sutures to help them heal and ward off infection. The stuff literally melts all over…in my eyes, down my cheek, in my hair, etc. So, hairs are naturally sticking to the ointment and I’ve been absolutely paranoid about getting them out. I’m using only fresh washed cloths on my ice packs and washing my face with sterile wash cloths and trying to get the excess goop out of my eye with a q tip…..big mistake.

They don’t make q tips that don’t shed anymore. I’ve tried every brand…they have this synthetic stuff that makes it’s own hair…..not good in my situation.

And to make matters worse, my entire right side of my face is slightly swollen, and completely numb. So, I keep chasing phantom hairs that I think I can feel on my fingers, but I don’t see them in the mirror with my one eye. My skin texture has completely changed with the edema, so it makes it extra hard to determine if it is a stray hair or dry skin….and my skin reacts so differently to touch. If I touch my lower cheek it somehow resonates in my eyebrow….difficult to describe.

So, tonite I can feel a serious hair IN MY EYE. I try excavating it with a q tip, but to no avail. Finally I’m crying and wiggling my face trying to get the bugger out, and it happens: I pull a stitch out. Ouch. And, even though my mom pulled out a mongo hair from the corner of my eye, it still feels as if something is in there.

So, what’s a girl to do when there is a foreign object in your eye, and no reasonable way to get it out? Put on a chick flick and prepare to cry.

The movie du nuit was The Notebook. I loved the novel, and had been waiting until another chick was around to watch the flick with. My mother proved the perfect candidate. I bawled my eyes out….but the hair still seems entwined somehow…..what a helpless feeling.

Good news is, I can see out of both eyes right now, and I get to take my mom for a ride on the OHSU tram to Casey Eye Institute tomorrow, where I’m certain my surgeon would like to lecture me on the dangers of q tips, and proper eye hygiene.

I’m sporting a hair band for the remainder of August.

latest photo

So, the swelling and discoloration continue to be at bay….one good thing. The pain is much more manageable now, but being a one-eyed cyclops is not without it’s disadvantages. I am absolutely paranoid about what I cannot see. Open kitchen cabinets and toys on the floor are now much more serious than distractions, and yesterday my dear husband thought it would be cute to sneak up behind me and tickle me on the back of the leg…..BIG mistake. Mistake magnified by 60 mgs of prednisone, I might add.

I hate prednisone. If you’ve never had it, the best way to describe it is to say that it amps up your primal “fight or flight” response. I’ve been on it many times when I had ulcerative colitis, and I cringe any time it is prescibed, because it makes me a complete hag….lucky hubby, lucky family.

We took our two favorite priests to dinner last week as a big pre-surgery send-off, and they informed me that Santa Lucia is the Patron Saint of the eyes. So, tonight I’m hoping to go out and adopt a koi to keep orangesickle company and name it Lucy. Last Wednesday Mass at Holy Rosary was dedicated to me…..my Great Grandmother Angelina is in heaven smiling at me right now, I’m sure.